i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
