my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
