The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
