Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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