So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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