Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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