if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
