Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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