And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
