Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
