Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
