the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
