cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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