Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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