dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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