thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
