We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
