At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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