I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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