You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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