So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
