Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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