I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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