Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
