Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
