really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
