theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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