maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
