its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
