WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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