Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
