just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
