My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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