i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
