The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
