During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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