Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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