dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
