so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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