Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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