I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am midnight drunk by noon
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
