1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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