just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
