there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
