Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
