I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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