This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
