you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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