Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
