I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
